Name: Hoist Orange

Country Of Origin: Cincinnati, OH

Price Point: $1

Promise On The Bottle: IV-Level Hydration / Clinically Proven to hydrate 110% better than water. (They offer no substantiation or independent verification of this claim.)

Sub-Promise: Battle Field Tested. Warfighter Approved. (Again, no substantiation of said claim.)

Color: Clear with a tinge of glycerin, shades of denatured alcohol. Droplets stick to the glass, defying gravity and nature. 

Aroma: A puff of industrial floral cleaning fragrance greets the nose like opening the door to an independently owned Best Western motel room on the outskirts of town.

Flavor notes: It may say orange on the bottle, but the tongue hears otherwise. Sour—bordering on rancid—the driving flavor note can be best described as the ‘water’ that collects in the divots and hollows of a half-eaten container of plain yogurt. 

Food pairing: A cookie dough protein bar warmed up on the dashboard of a 2012 Jeep Wrangler with the angry face grill swap.

Sport pairing: Watching MMA undercards on Hulu.  

Final Thoughts: If you do your ‘war fighting’ in Tap Out gear and Adidas slides, this is your sports drink.